2018 is only two weeks behind us but it was one of the biggest years of my life. It was filled with numerous changes.
• I turned 27.
• My grandmother passed.
• I became a mother for the third time.
• I took on my second fight with PPD.
• My husband started a new job.
• I lived alone, with all 3 of my children (one whom was still fresh out the oven!) for one month, while my husband moved ahead of us to start his job and find a house.
• We moved away from the only state I have ever known.
At one point we were dealing with three of the biggest ‘life changes’ you can experience all at the same time. [Moving, new baby, and new job!] It was chaos to say the least!
The fact that myself and all of my children survived to ‘tell the tale’ is more than proof of God’s amazing grace! ((
Read: Mom didn’t snap and that is only by the grace of God! Read again: Thank you Jesus for clinically proven drugs, doctors, grace and wine!))
When prayerfully seeking out OLW to help me focus on God’s calling in my life for 2019 I considered words like:
survive! [ not a joke. This was my husband’s suggestion! ]
Survive was inspired by my new found allergic reaction to an unknown allergen that landed me in the emergency room pumped full of epinephrine. (Not so fun story for another time.)
Although there was truth in feeling like I just needed to survive this year, (all the mothers said AMEN!) I felt like that was already my 2018. Through all of the life changes our goal was just to survive. Yes, to realistic goals. Yes, to intentionality. Yes, to surviving this exhausting stage of life. However, I still wanted more for 2019.
I continued to pray.
For advent my new Church was in Luke. Luke 2 tells the story of boy (about to be man in His cultural time frame) Jesus telling His mother that He knows He is the son of God. However, the message is lost on her. Jesus never explains himself further. I infer it is because He knows that proving a point doesn’t change His command to be submissive to His earthly parents. (To effectively live His wholly human life, perhaps??)
I digress. Jesus is a whole lot of confusing things. Even for those of us who believe.
But y’all, when I read that scripture- I completely understood and identified…
Here is this Mom who just does NOT understand.
Truly, what even are my kids saying??
Why are they saying it??
Also, I don’t care!
Please, just don’t run off and give me a heart attack!
And y’all, that selfless woman who loved that snot nosed savior every day of his life – she did what we all have to do!
Luke 2:50-52 ESV
“ And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them.  And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.  And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature i and in favor with God and man.”
Did you catch that?
She 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒅 it all up in her Momma heart!
It hit me like a brick wall. It was instantly SO CLEAR.
I don’t have all the answers but that is not where it ends. I want acceptance. I want peace. I want to know that I will often (READ:probably always) not understand. I want to move past the confusion and 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 up all these things.
I visualize it like this:
“What? It’s time to go? But wait- where are we going? Are we getting food on the way? Should I bring my coat? Why aren’t you annnnnswering meeeee?” This is 2018 Jessica. Cut to 2019 Jessica is wearing cool sunnies and has a cute ‘carefree because I trust in my savior’ haircut.
She hears the call…
“What’s that, boo? Time to go? You got it. I’m with you through whatever.” She hops on the back of the Holy motorcycle. Laid back music with rock undertones is playing. 2019 Jessica is all in. No explanation needed. She’s His ride or die.
Okay, maybe that’s a little exaggerated- but have you met me? 🤷♀️ #100%extra
It’s been two weeks into January and I’m not going to lie and say it has been easy. Friends, treasuring where you are at and the little gifts you’re being given by God, it’s hard. First off you aren’t always aware it’s a gift. Sometimes it feels more like punishment or cruel torture. (Why would He move me away from home? My family?) Sometimes it’s presented itself as a nuisance. (Why won’t my baby sleep through the night?)
In these moments of “why” I’ve been praying:
“Please Lord make me not care about the ‘why‘. Teach me to treasure ‘it‘ anyways. Whatever the ‘it’ may be. Please help me to be Your ‘ride or die’ chick, 100%. In Jesus name, amen.”
Slowly, my heart and perspective have changed. In this growth He has revealed to me the treasure in moving away from everyone I know and love. The REST that comes with not knowing anyone, not being invited anywhere, and not being obligated to travel with 3 littles to a year full of family events. THAT, my friends, is a gift. It’s rest I didn’t know I needed. Stress that wouldn’t be helping me on my PPD recovery. It’s almost as if- wait for it- HE KNOWS WHAT I NEED. (I know right? Just call me an Israelite- stick me in the desert and let’s be done!) He has revealed to me the treasure of a waking baby. In the chaos of raising 3 little people you simultaneously hold/care for your baby all day and feel like you never see them. This middle of the night time becomes special. When you see each other in the quiet, sans siblings, it hits you. You missed each other. The precious ALONE time I’m being given every night with my youngest- is a gift.
Y’all, I’m here for it. I’m here to treasure up all these things in my heart.
How are you doing with your one little word for 2019? Let’s encourage each other.
Love in Jesus,
P.S. Check out fathom Church podcast to get the full deets on the sermon for Luke 2.