Y’all imma be 100% with you right now. This has been the hardest birthday I’ve ever experienced. In the weeks leading up to September 3rd I tried so hard to stay positive.
“Silver linings” and what not.
I know how important our perspectives are to our mental health. But lemme tell you right now- it is JUST AS- (if not more??) important to allow ourselves to be honest about where we are. We need to allow ourselves to be sad and feel that sad. This was the first birthday away from family. No aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc.! That’s a big deal.
‘When I f i n a l l y let go of trying to “stay positive” and acknowledged my brokenness- something amazing happened. ‘
As I was already riding the emotional wave of “how is my baby girl two?!?” accompanied with “I’m still hormonal from being 3 months postpartum” all of this birthday “ness” was just another reminder that I’m not in Texas. We aren’t “home”. We are “alone”. When I f i n a l l y let go of trying to “stay positive” and acknowledged my brokenness- something amazing happened.
Y’all, GOD SHOWED UP!
He told me that he isn’t here for the always smiling never sad Jessica. That girl doesn’t need saving. HE IS HERE FOR THE DARK, BROKEN, SINFUL, SAD, and LONELY Jessica. My Savior MET ME in my brokenness and LOVED ME STILL!!! Just call me an Israelite and put me in the desert, because, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS LESSON?!? (Don’t answer that. Totes rhetorical. Also, I’m scared of the answer.) 😅😅
It was then- in my second day of all out sobbing that God used @sjprobe to show me HIS love. Out of the blue (but not really because sovereignty, y’all…) Shannon hits me up about using some flight points to come visit. To help us adjust, unpack, and spend Jackie’s birthday with us.
“My Savior MET ME in my brokenness and LOVED ME STILL!!!”
BECAUSE OF COURSE! God is so good. He loves me! & even when I feel silly about being sad- he says,
“Yeah, Gurl- you are pretty silly. Because, like- how could I ever love you less for your lack of faith? Not my jam. Just to prove it (again) I want you to know that I care about every part of you. Even the seemingly silly emotions like being sad about Jackie being alone for her birthday. I got you, gurl.” **poof** insert Message from Shannon about visiting.
This is my encouragement to you.
That YOU would not only learn to love and trust in HIM- but also, that you would PRAISE HIM with me.
How great is our God? That even when we feel these silly human feelings- He loves us and comforts us still. He knows how to be a High Priest and a King. He disciplines when necessary but also knows when we need comfort. How amazing is that? (Also rhetorical because there is no way to summarize His life giving GRACE & LOVE!) For Jackie’s second birthday we had two amazing friends and their daughter, Mac, over. We had a weekend long sleepover, saw dinosaur ridge, jumped, sang, danced, ate cake and ice cream, laughed, tickled, cried, opened presents, and sang Happy Birthday.
Ultimately, Jackies birthday was different than any birthdays we have previously celebrated in our family.
We didn’t have a packed house of extended family. We didn’t open a million gifts.
And yet, (but of course!) NONE of that changed the one ever important truth.
God still showed up.
He loved us through The Probe family. They glorified HIM through their personal acts of service, time spent, and love.
What more could we ask for?
From any friends?
For any birthday?
On any day?
Let God meet you where you are today. When you acknowledge that brokenness- you will find your DESPERATE need of HIM! Please, let HIM show up on your behalf. He wants to work all things for your good and your growth!
This birthday has been so hard but let me tell you- GOD IS SO GOOD.